I know it’s been a long time since I posted on this thing. It’s just that the last couple months haven’t gone the best, and it seemed like eveytime tried to write a new post; I just couldn’t come up with anything. So let’s start with the spring copa nova, I had already been training for about 2 days a week since my mom was limiting my training time. I competed in my first no gi intermediate division and only got third, considering it was a large division I wasn’t too disappointed. In my white belt division I was tooled by an extremely strong wrestler because I didn’t keep my elbows in, in deep half. I was caught in the same submission in the semi finals of the beginner absolute division at grapplersquest beast of the east. Not only was I knocked out on the first round of my weight division, I was literally knocked out cold by a headbutt in the absolute division. So now fast foward to U.S Grappling’s Diamonds State Games. Since I didn’t do horribly in the intermediate division at copa nova I decided to do the same at diamond state games, even though the cut off for experience was 2 years when I had only been training for a year and a half. I had cut quite a bit of weight the day before and wasn’t really feeling up to par. My first division was the no gi intermediate and I was a sloppy mess, half assed attempts for deep half, half assed back escapes. The first match went not so well losing 4 to zero with a lot of advantages for almost sweeps and passes. The second match wasn’t much better, I got the takedown and fumbled around in his half guard collecting advantages for 5 minutes until I won by two points in the end. Once again; I took third, the guy that beat me also beat me by an advantage point in the absolute division. He ended up winning both divisions. On to my teen divisions in with I usually do well. My first match was a against a very experienced four stripe blue belt that had been grappling since he was twelve. I pulled deep half and was armbarred almost instantly. Once again because I didn’t keep my elbows in. In the gi, the same kid put me to sleep after my drop seio nage attempt with a nasty bow and arrow choke. In my white belt division I submitted everyone in my division by sloppy half assed submissions. Now came the absolute division, I was pretty excited because I really thought I was going to win it this time. My first match was against a smaller spazzing guy, I got a nice harai goshi on him followed by a sloppy and quick shoulder lock. My second match was against a wrestler, of course I’m taken down and I am shooting for deep half, as usual my arm is just hanging out there and I am shoulder locked….. For the third time from deep half….
Then for my third place match I won on position, 15 to 0.
For the past few months in training, I have been trying to be as technical as I can be. I always try to use only technique and no strength when I’m rolling but I’m always told the same thing, I am sloppy and I need to be tighter. As hard as I have been trying it seems as if nothing is changing. I have been pretty down and in a bad mood in general lately because of it. Now that I think about it though, there is no reason to be down on my self for a few month span of hard times because I know that I’m going to be here for the long haul. So whatever is happening now will pass eventually and I’m sure will comeback again another time in between now and when I reach my goal. I think the only reason I get so down on myself is because I’m trying to rush to my goal. I know that these things can’t be rushed but I just have so much of an anticipation. Before Jiu-Jitsu I had no goals, no ambitions, just flowing through life, basically waiting to die. Now that I have this goal, I am fully engaged in reaching it, I finally have something to live for. At this point all I want is to become a world champion at black belt. I want it more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. I don’t know why, I just do. I have vivid dreams about the day it will happen, its all I can think about .
Now that the summer is here I am taking 11 classes a week and working early mornings at the gym. My life has been revolving around Jiu-Jitsu and I love it. One thing I have been working on is my ego and trying to stay humble, which hasn’t been too hard in the past few months. But I try to check myself every once in a while because I know its easy for me to get a big head. I used to hate it when people would fake an injury every time I am about to sweep them. I also used to hate it when people would brag in the locker rooms about sweeping or passing the guard of a blue belt or a purple belt. I am now trying to focus my energy on my self and making myself better, because that is all I should be worrying about. I know this is all pretty disorganized and not as neatly written as some of my other posts, but I’m just trying to get everything that I’m thinking onto the page. The only advice I have for anyone in my situation is to keep your head up because you’ll be in this for a long time.